foggy
5 year old buck +
This is my new neighbour...
She's single...
She lives right across the road.
I can see her place from my deck.
I watched as she got home from work this
evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the
street and up my driveway and
knocked on my door.
I rushed to open it, she looks at me and
says,
"I just got home, and I am so horny! I have
this strong urge to have a good
time, get drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm
free, I have no plans at all!"
She said, "Great! Could you
watch my dog?"
Being a senior citizen, really sucks!
OH yeah. Did I mention this happened on a farm? ;)
She's single...
She lives right across the road.
I can see her place from my deck.
I watched as she got home from work this
evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the
street and up my driveway and
knocked on my door.
I rushed to open it, she looks at me and
says,
"I just got home, and I am so horny! I have
this strong urge to have a good
time, get drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm
free, I have no plans at all!"
She said, "Great! Could you
watch my dog?"
Being a senior citizen, really sucks!
OH yeah. Did I mention this happened on a farm? ;)
Last edited:
foggy
5 year old buck +
GOLFER AT THE DENTIST
This one may bring a little tear to your eyes . . . Only a Golfer would understand this story of a GOLFER AT THE DENTIST. (In this thread, the Golfer is also a Farmer)
A man and his wife walked into a Dentist's Office. The man said to the Dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'
The Dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the Dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it Sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him . . . .
This one may bring a little tear to your eyes . . . Only a Golfer would understand this story of a GOLFER AT THE DENTIST. (In this thread, the Golfer is also a Farmer)
A man and his wife walked into a Dentist's Office. The man said to the Dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'
The Dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the Dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it Sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him . . . .
JackTerp
5 year old buck +
A farmer's elderly wife goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
wiscwhip
5 year old buck +
A farmer walks into the drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What's are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," The dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a12-pack.
With a sigh, the farmer replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," The dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a12-pack.
With a sigh, the farmer replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
fuldraw
5 year old buck +
JackTerp
5 year old buck +
Once you are over 60
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
TMIL
5 year old buck +
An old married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the p0rn channel. The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
“For god’s sake! Leave it on the p0rn channel. You already know how to fish!”
“For god’s sake! Leave it on the p0rn channel. You already know how to fish!”
