M
MoLandOwner
Guest
Did I ever tell you about the time I decided to go to Medical School when I was younger?
On the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered spine are medical doctors today, while the rest of us are sending jokes via email.
On the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered spine are medical doctors today, while the rest of us are sending jokes via email.
JackTerp
5 year old buck +
Groups of American farmers were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!'
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!'
M
MoLandOwner
Guest
I am sorry that I have not been very responsive lately to some of your posts and emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my Doctors informed me that I have an acute case of PIST-AWF.
For those of you who do not know what PIST-AWF is; PIST-AWF is a Newly Defined Disease that is Found to be Widespread and Highly Contagious. January, 2015 - Doctors at the CDC have released a statement this month disclosing a new disease that has already infected over half of the United States and is anticipated to continue to spread. The disease itself affects the cells of a person’s entire body then goes dormant. The disease ravages the body and leaves serious side effects. These side effects have been deemed "Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic War Fatigue" (PIST-AWF).
Symptoms include:
* Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing our President pander to Muslim terrorists.
*Uncontrollable heartburn at 8:00 PM during the O’Reilly factor.
*Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice.
*Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing Muslims murdering innocent people.
*Bleeding from the eyes. This is not Ebola. It is your eyes reacting to accidentally flipping to a channel that shows Al Sharpton as a legitimate news show host.
*Since the disease consumes the entire body, every infected person is then identified as the disease itself. The official designation for "Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic War Fatigue" is PIST-AWF.
If you feel you are PIST-AWF, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected the cure will be available sometime between November of 2016 and January 2017.
Yes, I am PIST-AWF!
For those of you who do not know what PIST-AWF is; PIST-AWF is a Newly Defined Disease that is Found to be Widespread and Highly Contagious. January, 2015 - Doctors at the CDC have released a statement this month disclosing a new disease that has already infected over half of the United States and is anticipated to continue to spread. The disease itself affects the cells of a person’s entire body then goes dormant. The disease ravages the body and leaves serious side effects. These side effects have been deemed "Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic War Fatigue" (PIST-AWF).
Symptoms include:
* Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing our President pander to Muslim terrorists.
*Uncontrollable heartburn at 8:00 PM during the O’Reilly factor.
*Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice.
*Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing Muslims murdering innocent people.
*Bleeding from the eyes. This is not Ebola. It is your eyes reacting to accidentally flipping to a channel that shows Al Sharpton as a legitimate news show host.
*Since the disease consumes the entire body, every infected person is then identified as the disease itself. The official designation for "Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic War Fatigue" is PIST-AWF.
If you feel you are PIST-AWF, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected the cure will be available sometime between November of 2016 and January 2017.
Yes, I am PIST-AWF!
foggy
5 year old buck +
OK....it's not a joke.....but I didn't know where else to post this...........
Police Retraining
Now let me see if I have this right.
There's no guidance or discipline in the home. The family situation is so unstable, 'Junior' doesn't even know where or to whom to send a Father's Day card. Junior gets dumped into the education system where he is socially promoted because the overwhelmed school district can't deal with the undisciplined whelp. Junior's major formative influences are 'gangsta' rap videos and a corresponding peer group of gangsta wannabes.
At age 18, Junior is turned loose on society carrying a bad attitude, a broken compass and little respect for authority. Junior gets himself in big trouble with the law and meets dire consequences. Then, the situation diagnosis is that the police need more training and understanding?
Pardon me for asking, but do you really believe this bullshit ?
Police Retraining
Now let me see if I have this right.
There's no guidance or discipline in the home. The family situation is so unstable, 'Junior' doesn't even know where or to whom to send a Father's Day card. Junior gets dumped into the education system where he is socially promoted because the overwhelmed school district can't deal with the undisciplined whelp. Junior's major formative influences are 'gangsta' rap videos and a corresponding peer group of gangsta wannabes.
At age 18, Junior is turned loose on society carrying a bad attitude, a broken compass and little respect for authority. Junior gets himself in big trouble with the law and meets dire consequences. Then, the situation diagnosis is that the police need more training and understanding?
Pardon me for asking, but do you really believe this bullshit ?
Bowsnbucks
5 year old buck +
I think some of these cases are crap ( the cops did nothing wrong, bad guy DID ), and some are legit. The one where the cop jumped up on the hood of a car and fired, what - 15 times down thru the windshield at un-armed people is pretty bad. Even cops from around the country didn't understand that one. A number of cops interviewed said that no cop anywhere is trained to do that kind of stunt.
Each case has it's own particulars, I think. But I agree with Foggy ........ If any kid has no guidance growing up and doesn't learn to respect adults or police, it's going to end badly for him. You can't act like the toughest SOB and think you can do whatever you want with no repercussions. Plain & simple.
Sorry for the small rant - responding to Foggy's post which wasn't a joke either.
Each case has it's own particulars, I think. But I agree with Foggy ........ If any kid has no guidance growing up and doesn't learn to respect adults or police, it's going to end badly for him. You can't act like the toughest SOB and think you can do whatever you want with no repercussions. Plain & simple.
Sorry for the small rant - responding to Foggy's post which wasn't a joke either.
JackTerp
5 year old buck +
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am, just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?" "1955 ma'am" he replied. "Well, there you are", she said. "No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1955! Come with me."
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am, just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?" "1955 ma'am" he replied. "Well, there you are", she said. "No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1955! Come with me."
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
nitro27
5 year old buck +
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah...She's purty good lookin'....."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit
***********
Some asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah...She's purty good lookin'....."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit
***********
Some asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
