B
BJE80
Guest
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Freeborn
5 year old buck +
Food for Thought
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married - Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course Opie - all single.
The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
Just sayin'.
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married - Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course Opie - all single.
The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
Just sayin'.
buckvelvet
5 year old buck +
buckvelvet
5 year old buck +
Erik Hendricks
5 year old buck +
A lonely lady puts an ad in the paper for a companion.
The ad reads: I'm looking for a guy that will not run away, will not hit me and a guy that can pleasure me sexually.
A few hours later the doorbell rings and she opens the door.
She looks around and hears a voice say "Down here."
She looks down and there is a man with no arms and no legs.
He says "I'm here about your ad in the paper.
She looks at him and says "Okay but you can not hit me. Are you going to hit me?"
He says "I have no arms so I can not hit you."
She says "Great, but you also can not run away. Are you going to run away?"
He said "I have no legs so I can not run away."
She say "Great but you know the ad also says you have to pleasure me sexually. I'm sorry but I'm not sure you can do that. Can you?"
He looks at her frustrated and says "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
She said "I'm Mary, please come in."
The ad reads: I'm looking for a guy that will not run away, will not hit me and a guy that can pleasure me sexually.
A few hours later the doorbell rings and she opens the door.
She looks around and hears a voice say "Down here."
She looks down and there is a man with no arms and no legs.
He says "I'm here about your ad in the paper.
She looks at him and says "Okay but you can not hit me. Are you going to hit me?"
He says "I have no arms so I can not hit you."
She says "Great, but you also can not run away. Are you going to run away?"
He said "I have no legs so I can not run away."
She say "Great but you know the ad also says you have to pleasure me sexually. I'm sorry but I'm not sure you can do that. Can you?"
He looks at her frustrated and says "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
She said "I'm Mary, please come in."
JackTerp
5 year old buck +
My wife and I went to the Royal Show and one of the first exhibits we
stopped at was the breeding bulls.. We went up to the first pen and
there was a sign attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .......Smiled and said, 'He
mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice!
a week ! .........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day .You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical
to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
stopped at was the breeding bulls.. We went up to the first pen and
there was a sign attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .......Smiled and said, 'He
mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice!
a week ! .........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day .You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical
to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
John-W-WI
Administrator
An Amish Farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand.
The Amish Farmer shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kühe und die Schweine haben hineingeschissen!"
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and pigs have shit in it!"
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!"
The Amish Farmer shouts back in English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!"
The Amish Farmer shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kühe und die Schweine haben hineingeschissen!"
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows and pigs have shit in it!"
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!"
The Amish Farmer shouts back in English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!"
M
MoBuckChaser
Guest
nitro27
5 year old buck +
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.
( If you don't send this on, you're chicken ...... no yolk! )
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.
( If you don't send this on, you're chicken ...... no yolk! )
