sandbur
5 year old buck +
John- you've aged a bit according to that last picture. Was this after that last facelift?
foggy
5 year old buck +
A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch when he noticed an old friend. What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring.
The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The farmer walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the fellow replied sheepishly.
The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck," the man replied.
The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The farmer walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the fellow replied sheepishly.
The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck," the man replied.
foggy
5 year old buck +
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door,and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asked. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!" That leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
foggy
5 year old buck +
A young man graduated from University of Arkansas with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired him was to write a human interest story. Being from Arkansas, he went back to the country to do his research. He went to an old farmer's house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and proceeded to explain to him why he was there.
The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you happy?" The farmer thought for a minute and said, "Yep! One time one of my neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. We all screwed it and took it back home."
"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can you think of anything else that happened that made you or a lot of other people happy?"
After another moment, the farmer said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a good looking girl, got lost. We formed a big posse that time and found her. After we all screwed her, we took her back home."
Again, the young man said "I can't print that either. Has anything ever happened around here that made you sad?"
The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed and after a few seconds looked up timidly at the young man and said, "I got lost once."
The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you happy?" The farmer thought for a minute and said, "Yep! One time one of my neighbor's sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. We all screwed it and took it back home."
"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can you think of anything else that happened that made you or a lot of other people happy?"
After another moment, the farmer said, "Yeah, one time my neighbor's daughter, a good looking girl, got lost. We formed a big posse that time and found her. After we all screwed her, we took her back home."
Again, the young man said "I can't print that either. Has anything ever happened around here that made you sad?"
The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed and after a few seconds looked up timidly at the young man and said, "I got lost once."
tooln
5 year old buck +
tooln
5 year old buck +
They all have to come for somewhere.
kabic
5 year old buck +
An old, blind farmer wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, farmer, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind farmer thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No.......not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, farmer, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind farmer thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No.......not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Last edited:
foggy
5 year old buck +
Hope this will meet with MO's approval..... ( :D ) ....or not.
>
> COFFEE AND TESTICLES
>
> A farmer goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The
> interviewer asks him,
> "Are you allergic to anything?"
>
> He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
>
> "OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
>
> "Yes,"he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
>
> The interviewer says,
> "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then
> he asks, "Are you disabled in
> any way?"
>
> The farmer says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both
> my testicles and it's getting hard to drive the tractor any longer.
>
> The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got
> enough points for
> me to hire you right now.
>
> Our normal hours are from 8 a.m to 4:00 p.m. You can start
> tomorrow at 10 a.m.,
> and plan on starting at 10 a.m. every day."
>
> The farmer is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8
> a.m. to 4 p.m., why
> don't you want me here until 10 a.m.?"
>
> "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the
> first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and
> scratching our balls. No point in your coming in for that."
>
>
> COFFEE AND TESTICLES
>
> A farmer goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The
> interviewer asks him,
> "Are you allergic to anything?"
>
> He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
>
> "OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
>
> "Yes,"he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
>
> The interviewer says,
> "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then
> he asks, "Are you disabled in
> any way?"
>
> The farmer says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both
> my testicles and it's getting hard to drive the tractor any longer.
>
> The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got
> enough points for
> me to hire you right now.
>
> Our normal hours are from 8 a.m to 4:00 p.m. You can start
> tomorrow at 10 a.m.,
> and plan on starting at 10 a.m. every day."
>
> The farmer is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8
> a.m. to 4 p.m., why
> don't you want me here until 10 a.m.?"
>
> "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the
> first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and
> scratching our balls. No point in your coming in for that."
>
Last edited:
John-W-WI
Administrator
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
“Well… Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
“Well… Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
foggy
5 year old buck +
So.....Lena and Ole was retired from farmin...when one day Lena croaks.
Suddenly she finds herself meeting St Peter at the Heavens Gate. He says "I can let you in Lena but first you need to pass a little test.....spell Oslo".
Lena says "you bet......O...S...L..O". ....and the gates swing open and Lena enters in.
After a few years Lena takes up with a new fella named Swen....and they are having a swell time together.....when St Peter says to Lena that Ole is down at the gate. He tells her "run down to the gate.....give Ole the test and let him in".
Well....Lena knows she has some problems on her hands now....so on the way to the Pearly Gates she does some thinking.
At the gate she spies Ole waiting to get in. She says "Ole I can let you in....but first you have to pass a test".
Ole says "OK...if that's the rules.....then what is it?"
Lena says "spell Albuquerque." :D
.......OK MO.....That was original material......your turn! ;)
Suddenly she finds herself meeting St Peter at the Heavens Gate. He says "I can let you in Lena but first you need to pass a little test.....spell Oslo".
Lena says "you bet......O...S...L..O". ....and the gates swing open and Lena enters in.
After a few years Lena takes up with a new fella named Swen....and they are having a swell time together.....when St Peter says to Lena that Ole is down at the gate. He tells her "run down to the gate.....give Ole the test and let him in".
Well....Lena knows she has some problems on her hands now....so on the way to the Pearly Gates she does some thinking.
At the gate she spies Ole waiting to get in. She says "Ole I can let you in....but first you have to pass a test".
Ole says "OK...if that's the rules.....then what is it?"
Lena says "spell Albuquerque." :D
.......OK MO.....That was original material......your turn! ;)
Jordan Selsor
5 year old buck +
We are doing our best to be prepared at work with training. Each medic has also been issued their own PPE. Our medical director ensures us that this virus is pretty difficult to contract and thinks it will fizzle out. Im not so sure. We are to always assume every pt has a communicable disease so will not really change our treatment methods with someone that presents with these signs and symptoms. Still some scary stuff
foggy
5 year old buck +
A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them. He kicks a chicken, a cow, and a pig.
When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig.
Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig.
Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
tooln
5 year old buck +
Not a farmer joke so deal with it.
3 moles were gong on vacation. Daddy mole, Mama mole and baby mole. Daddy mole was leading the way with mama right behind him and baby right behind her. Daddy mole forget his glasses but figured he'd find the way ok. They were just tunneling away and all of a sudden daddy mole run head first into the foundation of a restaurant. Mama mole run right into daddy moles rear end and baby mole run right into mama moles rear end. They all were shocked and wondered what had happened. Daddy mole popped his head up and said it smells like pancakes, Mama mole comes up and said it smells like waffles. Baby mole comes up and said it smells like moleasses to me.
3 moles were gong on vacation. Daddy mole, Mama mole and baby mole. Daddy mole was leading the way with mama right behind him and baby right behind her. Daddy mole forget his glasses but figured he'd find the way ok. They were just tunneling away and all of a sudden daddy mole run head first into the foundation of a restaurant. Mama mole run right into daddy moles rear end and baby mole run right into mama moles rear end. They all were shocked and wondered what had happened. Daddy mole popped his head up and said it smells like pancakes, Mama mole comes up and said it smells like waffles. Baby mole comes up and said it smells like moleasses to me.
Buckly
5 year old buck +
Farmer Zeke, and his wife Mable were having breakfast early one morning discussing the day.
Mable: Zeke, your going to fix that outhouse today aren't you?
Zeke: Yes dear.
So Zeke heads down to the outhouse a little bristled because he hasn't the least idea what's wrong with it. After looking around a bit he figures it must be the roof so he heads to the barn and gets a brush and some tar and seals the roof.
Next morning.
Mable: Zeke! I told you to fix that outhouse and I'm serious. You get down there right now and fix it.
Zeke: Yes dear.
So Zeke heads back down to the outhouse and getting a little nervous because he still doesn't know what's wrong with it. This time he really looks around and finds the door latch a little loose. Thinking that must be it he heads to the barn and gets a screwdriver and fixes it.
Next morning.
Mable: Dagnabbit Zeke, I told you to fix that outhouse. I swear if you don't fix it today I'll hit you over the head with this frying pan.
Zeke: Yes dear.
As Zeke heads to the outhouse again he's really nervous. He can't figure it out and Mable is going to smash him so he looks high and low. He can't see anything and figures maybe it's something down in the hole as it's the only place he hasn't checked. He sticks his head in the hole to look around when all of a sudden a squirrel jumps in through a knothole . Zeke jumps back in fear and catches his beard in a crack in the seat. Screaming in pain he runs back to the house.
Mable: What's the matter with you?
Zeke: A squirrel just scared the heck out of me in the outhouse and I ripped half my beard off in that crack in the seat.
Mable: Hurts don't it!,
Mable: Zeke, your going to fix that outhouse today aren't you?
Zeke: Yes dear.
So Zeke heads down to the outhouse a little bristled because he hasn't the least idea what's wrong with it. After looking around a bit he figures it must be the roof so he heads to the barn and gets a brush and some tar and seals the roof.
Next morning.
Mable: Zeke! I told you to fix that outhouse and I'm serious. You get down there right now and fix it.
Zeke: Yes dear.
So Zeke heads back down to the outhouse and getting a little nervous because he still doesn't know what's wrong with it. This time he really looks around and finds the door latch a little loose. Thinking that must be it he heads to the barn and gets a screwdriver and fixes it.
Next morning.
Mable: Dagnabbit Zeke, I told you to fix that outhouse. I swear if you don't fix it today I'll hit you over the head with this frying pan.
Zeke: Yes dear.
As Zeke heads to the outhouse again he's really nervous. He can't figure it out and Mable is going to smash him so he looks high and low. He can't see anything and figures maybe it's something down in the hole as it's the only place he hasn't checked. He sticks his head in the hole to look around when all of a sudden a squirrel jumps in through a knothole . Zeke jumps back in fear and catches his beard in a crack in the seat. Screaming in pain he runs back to the house.
Mable: What's the matter with you?
Zeke: A squirrel just scared the heck out of me in the outhouse and I ripped half my beard off in that crack in the seat.
Mable: Hurts don't it!,
