Battle with the wife for moving to a rual area

[BJE80]

We are not at the point yet of having serious discussions about moving to a rural area (up north). My wife knows I want to someday. She isn't sure. Until the kids are much older and done with sports where we would not have to drive them all over the place all the time. It is nice to live close to those activities now.

At some point it may be a power struggle on where we live. What has been your situations and how have you dealt with them? How did it turn out in the long run. I'm trying to learn from other people's mistakes here.

 

[Jim Timber]

Mine took some time to come around, but she's tired of suburbia too, and now she's asking when I think we can make it happen (is it two years or more like five?).

Our area outside Brainerd offers the luxuries of one of the largest cities in the region, but we're still 20 minutes out from that community. If I need something I can't get locally, it's a 2 hour drive to the metro or 1 to St Cloud.

It's 7 miles to the nearest gas station, so you do need to approach logistics a bit differently.

You couldn't get me to move to Bizmark.

 

[SD51555]

That's why I'm still single. Nobody would put up with my fanatical commitment to achieving my sporting, cat, and financial goals.

 

[kabic]

Where are both of your families located at? I lived in Milwaukee & Watertown before moving to a small Western Wisconsin town, but now we are closer to her family. When we lived in Tennessee that was an issue. ..we were coming back to Wisconsin more than I ever thought we would to visit family.

 

[tooln]

There an old saying "You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy" I'm guessing the same holds true for women and the city. But my wife has seen her share of big city living and hates it. Good luck is all I can say.

 

[foggy]

We had lots of family, work and business commitments 3 hours south of where we now live.....near Brainerd MN. When we decided to relocate to the Lakes country we had already retired......and we also wanted some of the services a medium sized city can offer. (dentist, doctor, shopping, food, etc) So.....rather than move to the area we had our "old" cabin (a hour fruther into the county) we decided to stay close in. That also has its price to pay....but its worth it to us. Lots to do here.....and very convenient to get to stuff.

Its nice to NOT burn a whole day for a dentist checkup and that sort of thing. Fleet Farm is only 10 minutes away. :D

 

[MoLandOwner]

One thing I can tell you, is if you have to battle with the wife to move......you are in trouble. No matter what the outcome if you move or not, one of you won't be happy.

And if moma ain't happy, you never will be! Good Luck!

 

[BJE80]

That's why I'm still single. Nobody would put up with my fanatical commitment to achieving my sporting, cat, and financial goals.

Since you are looking for a signature line this should be it.

Nobody will put up with my fanatical commitment to achieving my sporting, cat, and financial goals.

 

[BJE80]

Where are both of your families located at? I lived in Milwaukee & Watertown before moving to a small Western Wisconsin town, but now we are closer to her family. When we lived in Tennessee that was an issue. ..we were coming back to Wisconsin more than I ever thought we would to visit family.

I don't have any family other than my mom and she is 82. I would not think of moving away till she is gone because I am her only family. Her parents live in Madison.

For the record this isn't going to be like a hostile thing where we will be fighting over it. Its just another bridge in decision making we are going to have to cross at some point I think. She is open to moving but she isn't sure either.

 

[Steve Bartylla]

One thing I can tell you, is if you have to battle with the wife to move......you are in trouble. No matter what the outcome if you move or not, one of you won't be happy.

And if moma ain't happy, you never will be! Good Luck!

What he said.

I "convinced" my practice wife to move to the middle of no where. Though I'm not sure it would be fair to say that's how she became my practice wife, it certainly played a role in that. She was a city girl and, though she enjoyed camping an such, she was never the type to go spend a day in the woods for the fun of it. She was bored crazy, which then makes you into the primary source of entertainment. Maybe you're better at being that than I was (sincerely), but that didn't work great over the long run for me. I'm lucky in that my job forces me to get my "time in the woods" fix, no matter where I live. So, within reason, I've allowed my real wife to pretty much determine where we live. She's happier because of that and I am because she's not miserable living in the middle of no where. I could never live in a big city, as spending time in them just makes me angry inside. There's a lot of other people in this world that just could never live in the middle of no where, as they would be every bit as miserable. My real wife also fits that description. I can tell you that pitifully few days go by that I don't think to myself how lucky I am to have her as my wife and how much I love her. I can also tell you that if I moved her to the middle of the woods, either we'd both be miserable or she'd become my second practice wife. Some people aren't built for living in big cities, others aren't built for living in the middle of no where.

That's a way too long way of saying that my advice would be to do your best to learn if she would go nuts living in the middle of the woods before you do it. If she would, and you want to stay with her, it's not worth it. If she could enjoy it, go for it.

 

[Steve Bartylla]

That is a great pic!

 

[BJE80]

That is the over thing I forgot to mention. She wants to raise chickens and maybe some beef cattle so we would have to move to the country. The question is I would rather move up north. She might want to stay in SE Wisconsin. So it would not be a total culture shock in whatever we do.

 

[BJE80]

Could you rent a house or camp in the area for a week to check things out? Once in the Winter, summer, and fall to cover all seasons.

Trying it out might be a really good idea.

 

[Jim Timber]

Mine's getting all into the honey bee thing, and I think she wants poultry again. I think her finding interests to pursue that can't be done living where we do is part of why she's looking at timeframes now. She's getting ready to make the move.

Her interests are still different than mine, so we won't have to spend every moment together. I'm probably the last guy to ask for relationship advice, but have learned that couples need some breathing room on a regular basis. How the bush people keep from killing each other is beyond me.

 

[bueller]

My wife and I love our neighbors. They don't complain much.

I hope when my neighbor is done converting his nice woodlot into grass pasture for cattle that it looks this nice, but I highly doubt it :(

 

[Turkey Creek]

How the bush people keep from killing each other is beyond me.

They dont. Of course the bears eat the evidence though.:D

 

[McLovin]

My advice would be to do what makes YOU happy and let her decide if she wants to be a part of it or not. It sounds harsh but the reality is most women's loyalty/faithfulness is wholly dependent on what and how much you are doing for them. Your happiness is background noise and incidental. Better to find out as early as possible where that line in the sand is. Tell her you're moving up north as soon as the kids graduate and that's the end of the discussion. You will find out fairly quickly how important you and your happiness is to her.

Men and women both have been programmed by Disney, Hallmark, Lifetime Network, etc. to the point where we believe a woman's happiness is the only thing that's important, and a man's job is to work until he dies to finance that happiness while she gains 100 pounds and has sex with him once a year on his birthday. Provided he spent his birthday completing her honey-do list. Why should your happiness take a back seat to hers? Or anybody's? You get one ticket to the show and there's no refunds.

Bruce Jenner's a perfect example. The man spent 30 years being bullied (I'm sure he thought he was making them happy) by his wife and daughters, he's so completely emasculated/emotionally castrated now that he actually identifies as a female. Most guys in Bruce's shoes just drink a lot, being an Olympian Bruce is taking it to a higher level.

 

[foggy]

My wife and I love life at the lake. Even when the weather turns nasty.....it's a beautiful view of nature at its finest. We have a two mile view of water out our windows. Just came in from a cruise. Even with my bad back....we had a great time. For us......the "lake-life" is somewhat of a compromise between country and an urban setting....with fringe benefits. :)

Property values at the lake seem low.....compared to where they have been. Just saying.

 

[sandbur]

I don't live in the northern half of Mn, so I can't talk about living up north.

My wife and I are both happy where we are at. Closest neighbor is about 1/2 mile and my neighbors are all good, honest people.

I miss living close to a lake where I can get out and catch a few fish to eat, but as a trade off I have better soil to grow apple trees and a garden. Things are quieter in this neighborhood than in the lake country, except for tractors and other farm equipment.

My wife grew up on a dairy farm, and I grew up on a farm/resort in the northern Mn. lake country.

I like the elbow room where I presently live.

 

[sandbur]

This^^^^
I got lucky and married a gal who was born and raised in the country. She had lived near suburbia for close to 20 years before I met her, but there was no "convincing" necessary to get her to move where we currently are. In fact....this chunk of ground was her favorite from the first time she saw it ;)

I like that place, Stu. Great thing for both of you.