Thank you everyone.... I type and I type, and regardless of the words I use.....it just doesn't seem to be accurate. The best thing I have come up with is that it's like being super homesick......while you are sitting at home. No matter how many people you put in that house......you know it's still not the same. You want it to be the same.......you may even get distracted to a point to not notice from time to time.....and yet you know it never will be the same. I have kids and grandkids to turn my attention to and to be an even larger portion of my "purpose" now.......I just expected my purpose to include her for another 30 years.....but......that's not the case.
Some say there is a "plan" and that things happen for a reason. Well, at least for now.....this plan sucks!