Ok, forgive the poetry but time to "put this thread to bed!"
The winner is... neither the club nor the ritz, but instead the humble saltine cracker... just have to "southernize" it a bit.
Married to a Doc so I'll be the first to say these aren't going to win any health awards, but you like spicy foods these HAVE to be tried to be believed. You'd think putting saltines in a bag of oil would equal a soggy mess, but PROMISE that's not what happens. Crackers keep every bit of their crunchiness, and lots of folks don't even cook them in the oven like the shared recipe specifies instead simply letting them "marinate" overnight, draining out excess oil, and simply putting in a bowl from there. If do heat in the oven, promise you don't need to actually cook them nor heat them to crisp them.
Can't get much easier than this folks.
Another video of basically the same recipe.